The ONLY reason I am making this website is so that it will be found if someone googles Vivian Kavadas' name because I am EXTREMELY concerned about her current interaction with children. Most kids always got an uneasy feeling around her. Kids are perceptive. Some adults get an uneasy feeling around her. TRUST YOUR INTUITION! I just found out she is volunteering at a school and it makes me SICK. She does NOTHING without an ulterior motive, NOTHING. What her motive is in doing this, I do not know (though a friend surmised that perhaps it is because she no longer has a child of her own to control, they might be right, she is all about control; but that is an assumption). I cut off all contact with her in 1993 basically to save my life as she was everything a mother is NOT to be. But from what I've learned of her actions, she hasn't changed one iota, she is NOT to be trusted around children and even adults need to watch themselves because she is incapable of maintaining even a superficial relationship with anyone (I'll address her marriage towards the end here).
In my opinion, Vivian Sue Kavadas born April 12 1947 should NOT be allowed around children. If your child is involved with her at Jefferson Elementary School in Clinton, Iowa DEMAND THAT THEY NOT INTERACT WITH HER!! Do NOT allow your child to be with her, not even alone. If she doesn't do anything physically to them, I am living proof that her mental and emotional abuse can bare scars that last a life time. She could/would manipulate kids into disliking others, judging others, etc.
I, unfortunately, am her daughter and I'm going to tell you some of the things she did to me. Of course I know she has HER version of things: she was a perfect mother, I had the best of everything, a boyfriend of mine poisoned my mind, I used drugs, etc. and all of that is 110% LIES.
Aside from never telling me she loved me (I doubt she even liked me) and the first time she hugged me was when I was 16 and leaving on the CHS band trip to Florida and she only did that because the other parents were doing it (she is all about image, how she is perceived by others and 'victim' is the best image she projects); I'll give some specific examples here to let you know that this is NOT a woman who should be around children. Anyone who does these things to their own child should NOT be allowed to be around ANY child in my opinion.
Now this is something I heard from other family members, but I, in my opinion, believe it to be true and it shows she was a very disturbed individual from early on. I was told when she was 15 she was babysitting an younger cousin and she put a pitch fork through his foot. She CLAIMED it was an 'accident'. Years later when I was around 6, I finally met this cousin and he was now a teen (mind you at this time I had no idea about the pitch fork) and I still remember the look of FEAR in his face when he saw her. Then he kept looking at her, then at me, back and forth. I thought it was strange. Later, after I heard about the pitch fork, I realize he probably felt bad for me.
When she was in the hospital having me, my father forgot to water her carrot plant and it died. Up until I stopped talking to her she would remind me that I killed her carrot plant!!!! She wasn't joking either. This is NOT normal behavior for a 'mother'. Her father and uncle died 2 weeks before I was born, one one week and the next the next week. She did not go to either funeral and again, it was MY fault, because she was pregnant and in her mind pregnant women didn't go to funerals. I heard this for 24 years!
There WAS photos of me (apparently she destroyed all photos of me) as a baby at 9 months of age with fat lips and black eyes. When I would ask how that happened, she would say I fell learning to walk; but everyone in the family said I started to TALK at 9 months and not start walking until 12 months. Obviously I was too young to remember what happened, but I know it's not 'normal' for infants to have as many fat lips and black eyes as I did in photos.
She repeatedly tried to choke me to death up until age 8. To this day I cannot wear anything tight around my neck. Anything would set her off. A noise, a squeaky drawer, something not put back EXACTLY right, her hair not being set right, ANYTHING would set her off. I live with constant anxiety TO THIS DAY because of her. That is all I knew, ANXIETY. Though, obviously, it's A LOT better without her in my life!! But I am on valium due to my anxiety. (I go into that towards the end too).
When I was 4 I was the flower girl in a wedding of a friend of hers. The bride groom got me drunk and sexually molested me [and apparently my mother claims that I say a list of people sexually molested me, she's lying, this is the ONLY person who sexually molested me] and I had to go to the hospital. What do I remember most about the hospital visit? The nurse had blue eye shadow all the way up to her eye brows (1973)--it was Jane Lamb Hospital---and my mother sitting in the ER room calling me a "DRUNKEN SLUT" over and over and over again. I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD. 1973 and Iowa meant that I was sent home with this woman. This is not a 'normal' response, is it?? No, no it's not. If you said 'yes', then your name must be Vivian Kavadas.
She constantly withheld food from me. Her rationale was that I hadn't done anything around the house to deserve to eat. Ah, but here's the catch, she wouldn't LET ME do anything around the house! I wouldn't do ANYTHING right, so therefore she wouldn't let me do anything. Could not even TRY to do anything. I was in a situation I couldn't win. I got in trouble for watching tv or listening to the radio (even though she TOLD ME to do those things) but then I would get food withheld from me because I hadn't done anything around the house. I would ask, "what can I do?" and she would say "Nothing, you can't do anything right." Sometimes she would throw in a "You're no good like your father" too. To this DAY I still have problems eating sometimes because I don't 'feel' I 'deserve' to eat. TO.THIS.DAY.
I could go on and on but I would hope these are examples enough. Regarding her claims that I had the "best of everything", clothes were never a priority to me but they were to HER. I learned also not to get too attached to toys because she would flip out at times and then toss a bunch of my toys away. And she hated it when I read. She would claim I was "up to something". She would throw my books away too. She can be very very paranoid. I'd get in trouble for talking to some of the neighbors because she was convinced we were talking about her.
Aside from smoking pot a few times (who hasn't? well okay Mr. Squarepants, but I mean, most people have) I don't do drugs, nor have ever done drugs. I also rarely drink, only when I go to concerts or parties and those are few and far between. I spent 12 years in therapy getting help for surviving her. Therapists were surprised I never turned to alcohol or drugs or was suicidal and no, never. I think I had 'defiance' built in, because my mother, in my opinion, was one of those women who wanted a baby to have someone to unconditionally love them and to have someone to control. She got me instead. Oh, I will relay this incident too. When I was four she slammed my thumb in the car door. We were going over to her mother's (who lived on the 400 block 9nth Avenue S. right next door to my other grandmother) and she put ice on it and said "Tell them you caught your hand between your bed and the wall." We get there and they of course ask right away what happened to me and I said, "I'm suppose to say I caught my hand between my bed and wall." If looks could kill, I wouldn't be here. I TRIED to articulate in my own way that things were wrong, but no one helped me and they all knew she was nuts.
She would go through periods where she wouldn't speak to certain family members. On and off. She poisoned my mind against my father's family. She really disliked all of them. On her side of the family she particular hated her cousin Liz. Why? Because their Aunt Bea split her Noritake china set up between Liz and my mother when she moved from 9nth Avenue to the Lafayette Inn. My mother wanted ALL OF IT. Apparently Liz accidentally ate rat poison as a baby and my mother would say again and again "I wish Liz had died from the rat poison so I could have gotten all the china." Again, this isn't normal.
I have to say when I was growing up, I thought EVERY kid had a life like mine. I watched lots of tv, LOTS of tv; but I figured they were putting on their 'show' family act for tv when they showed families in sitcoms. I did sometimes think things weren't right. I realized early that it was her, not me; but that didn't really help any. I knew I HAD to get away though. When I left for college, she threatened to kill herself if I left. Obviously I left and she's still alive. She would threaten to kill herself a lot when I was a little kid. She would always say she would put her head in the oven. Mind you, it was an electric oven, but I don't know if she realized that wouldn't work or not. I wanted to run away when I was around 7 and I figured if I took her cat she'd look for me. I should have left, without the cat, I would have been better off being raised by a pack of wolves than her.
But I went to college and I saw parents hugging their kids, crying, telling their children they loved them and it seemed GENUINE. This was totally foreign to me. Was this common? It took me a few years to really process all this. And throughout that time, she kept trying to control me via the phone and constantly insulting me.
The last time I was there, in 1993. I started counseling shortly after that and realized, of my own accord that I needed to cut off contact with her because it was detrimental to my mental health. I even had a therapist try to talk me out of that and I said, "well if you replaced the word 'mother' with 'boyfriend' would you tell me to stay with them?" and they conceded that they would not. The very last phone call I ever had with my mother was her going on how I was worthless and no good (the usual) and I said "why do you even bother talking to me then?" and she said she HAD too because no one else would. I told her I did have friends and she didn't like that. I ended up hanging up on her. A month passed and she tried to call me but I didn't answer the phone. She didn't leave a message on the answering machine because she was always paranoid about having her voice on tape.
Oh and regarding friends, she always tried to prevent me from having friends. Even my best friend from high school. She hated her and tried to stop me from seeing her. Didn't work. I guess when someone doesn't really have their own friends, they don't want their child to have friends? I don't know. I have no idea how her mind works, I just know what she put me through.
No one poisoned my mind against her, I am too strong minded and strong willed to have anyone tell me what to think. What happened was I realized how toxic the relationship was, she was not a 'mother' and if I wanted to have any chance of a life I needed her out of it. As for the rest of the family, I have no regrets cutting them off either because they KNEW she was nuts and they did nothing to help me. To further disengage myself from them, I legally changed my name in 2000. It always upset me and was a constant reminder of my childhood abuse whenever I saw the name Kavadas. This, I hope, shows the lengths I have gone too to remove myself from the lives of these people. I want absolutely nothing to do with them; but I could never live with myself if I stayed silent knowing that she was interacting with children and I did nothing. I have a conscience, something I did not get from her.
Where was my father? There and very very passive. He never once spoke up against her, never once. He just let her do whatever. He even took a week's vacation one time and didn't tell her. He went to 'work' every day for a week but really went fishing. She would go weeks without saying a word to him. She'd even go weeks without talking to me too--even when I was in grade school (and honestly? I rather liked that, I got a break from the hatefulness, but I was constantly anxious that at any second she'd start again.) But my father was totally passive. Even when she banned his family from coming into the house, he didn't speak up. I think that is why I am aghast at passivity in individuals at dire situations and I am the FIRST person who'll speak up and out about a situation that isn't right, especially when it involves children---because no one spoke up for ME. And that is why I am doing this, even though it is dredging up a lot of things I had buried; I have to speak up to protect children from her because no one spoke up to protect me.
I spent about 12 years in therapy. It helped somewhat. I took the MMPI, which is a diagnostic test, and scored higher than most Vietnam War veterans on the Post Traumatic Stress experimental scale. (The PTSD scale wasn't a full part of the test then, not sure if it is now or not). My anxiety was to the point, the therapist said I should be non-functional. Well obviously I can function somewhat. I can't hold a job due to my PTSD. I actually get disability for this. Do you know how difficult it is to get Social Security Disability? When I first applied, I got approved for 'presumptive disability' within 1 month. The local office was shocked, they said only blind people had received that before. THAT IS HOW BAD MY CONDITION IS---DUE TO MY MOTHER WHO IS NOW WITH CHILDREN.
I am sending letters to the Clinton County School Board, Jefferson School and the State Board of Education. I want to ensure that there is notice amongst all of them about her being around children. I will post links to the letters here in a short bit. I am doing everything in my power to have her removed from being around children. I am willing to sign release forms to the Clinton County School Board for my counseling records and for my Social Security records to prove this. I am willing to take the MMPI again. If need be, I will come to Clinton Iowa and hire an attorney to protect children from her. I have always said I would never return to that city due to trauma she inflicted upon me; but I will do everything in my power to protect children. I will not be passive about this.
DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN BE EXPOSED TO ANY ASPECT OF THIS WOMAN!! If your child has had ANY interaction with her, ask them what specifically and if she was trying to manipulate them or make them think a certain way. She is VERY judgmental towards others and once she makes a snap decision, she will never change her mind.
DO NOT ALLOW VIVIAN SUE KAVADAS AROUND YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!! Hold Jefferson and the School Board Accountable for this!!!!!!
Link to letter I sent to the School Board, Jefferson Elementary and State Board of Education here
If you don't wish to view it or download it---I understand, here it is in it's entirety:
October 22, 2011
571 Robinette Ct.
Akron, OH 44310
Dear School Board:
I am writing with great concern regarding one of your volunteers, Vivian Kavadas. I am contacting you, because in my opinion, she should not be allowed around children. I am her biological daughter and have been greatly distressed since finding out she has been interacting with children. I was told she is volunteering at Jefferson Elementary School. I could find nothing on your district website regarding volunteer requirements; but was told she did pass a background check. That she would, as she was never charged with anything, as no one ever turned her in for abusing me as a child. But just because someone passes a background check doesn't make them safe to be around children.
I made a website so parents will be able to Google her name and I know several people in the city will pass this information on. I could repeat everything in this letter, but I see no need too. Please just go to http://www.misstia.com/viviankavadas.html I receive social security disability because I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of the abuse I suffered as a child at her hands. No one spoke up for me as a child, even though family members knew she was not mentally right; and I am now speaking up for the children being exposed to her.
What I would like to make clear, is that I am more than willing to sign releases for my counseling records and for my social security records for Clinton County Schools to view to verify that I do I have PTSD and it is based on abuse from my mother. I have also taken the MMPI in the past and would sign a release for those results too. That test has a validity scale in it that showed I am honest. All my counselors denoted my veracity and unwavering details. I would even take the MMPI again at your behest. I would undergo a psychological or psychiatric exam at your behest also. I am willing to pretty much to do anything to get you to understand that Vivian Kavadas should not be around children.
Also, I'd like to make it VERY clear, I will do whatever I need to do to keep children safe from her. If I have to return to Clinton Iowa and hire an attorney and go through great emotional trauma to ensure children are kept safe from her, I will do that. No one better than I, knows what she is capable of doing. I hope for the sake of the children who have been exposed to her, that I am still the only child she has abused physically, emotionally and/or mentally. Despite cutting off contact with her 18 years ago, I have recently been brought up to date, and she hasn't changed at all---in some ways she has gotten worse.
Please give this the attention it deserves. If she is still kept as a volunteer at the school, even under supervision, I will seek legal advice on how to have her removed. As I said, I will set my own mental, emotional and physical well-being aside, to ensure that children are protected from her.
With great concern,
CC: Jefferson Elementary School
Iowa State Department of Education
She actually went and hired an attorney!!!!
I received this letter December 3, 2011
Dear Miss Tia:
Our firm has been retained to represent your mother and father in connection with defamatory content published on the internet and in a letter which you sent to the Jefferson Elementary School and the Iowa Department of Education.
The letter and your website posting entitled, "KEEP VIVIAN KAVADAS AWAY FROM CHILDREN READ HERE ADN FIND OUT WHY!!!!" contain numerous statements which your parents state are totally false, and thus constitute libel.
Many of the statements made allege conduct of a criminal or immoral nature and constitute libel per se. Your parents are prepared to take legal [sic] if necessary.
Demand is hereby made on behalf of your parents as follows: (1) That you immediately remove the publication alleging abusive conduct from your website; (2) that you retract the statemetnst made to the Clinton Community School District and the Iowa Board of Education by so notifying them in writing; and (3) that you refrain from making or publishing false statemetnst pertaining to your mother and father.
Failure to resolve this matter as proposed, may result in legal action against you for damages as allowed by law.
Very truly yours,
Farwell & Bruhn
James D. Bruhn
Dear Mr. Bruhn:
I am in receipt of your letter dated November 29, 2011.
I, obviously, dispute you and your clients' claims that statements I made are false. I also do not feel they constitute libel. My intent for the websites and letters was and is not malicious, it is to protect children.
Furthermore, my statements are the truth. If there was an incident that happened prior to my birth or happened to me at a very early age, I clearly state that. I do clearly state that I believe those incidences to be true, but I was not obviously there----especially the incident of Vivian putting the pitch fork through her cousin's foot when she was 15. I was not there then, but I heard of the incident and I believe it to be true. I have no problem changing the wording of that incident and others that happened prior to my birth and prior to my memory to say that they are 'hearsay', but I would still state that I believe them to be true.
I do concur that many of the statements are of a criminal and immoral nature. I am sure you advised your clients that the statute of limitations had run out though. Please be assured that I have zero interest in pursuing charges of any kind against them. I want absolutely nothing to do with them ever again. I do not even refer to them as my "parents", I refer to them as my "biological parents", because to me, they sure were not "parents". They were abusers and made my life hell and I am now on disability because of my childhood. I also want nothing to do with any member of either family because no one helped me while I was abused as a child and both sides of the family knew what Vivian was like. As aforementioned, and mentioned on the sites and in the letters, my concern now is her interaction with children. She is not a paid employee but a volunteer, so she is not even loosing income. She has no damages.
My statements are true. As stated in my letters and on the sites, I have psychological records, social security records and will be willing to under go any additional testing as requested to ensure that children are protected from your client Vivian. I receive Social Security Disability due to Post Traumatic Stress that I have due to my childhood at the hands of your clients. I have taken the MMPI and scored very high on the validity scales. I will retake it again if requested. I will also, as I stated online, be seen by an independent psychiatrist, if requested by Clinton County schools. If you could not tell from my letters and site, I am willing to go to great lengths to protect children from your client Vivian, and to prove that I am telling the truth.
As stated above, my intent was and is not malicious with my sites or letters. My intent is about the safety of children. I had not thought about your clients in years and wish I did not have to think about them at all. I vigorously disagree with the claims of libel, as what I am saying is the truth. Though, as I say, I have no problem adding the word 'hearsay' to incidents that happened prior to my birth/memory. But I have the freedom of speech to then proclaim that I believe them to be true. And everything after the age of 3 I remember perfectly. I have a near photographic memory, which is unfortunate when you suffered a horrendous childhood of abuse. Doing those websites and sending those letters caused me a great deal of anxiety, flashbacks and stress but I HAD to do it when I found out she was volunteering at a school. No one spoke up for me as a child, though almost everyone on both sides of the family knew she was mentally unstable and her husband was passive.
If legal action is taken against me for speaking the truth and for trying to protect children, I will counterclaim your clients for undue harassment and whatever else an attorney would advise me to counterclaim for and seek damages as allowed by law. I would furthermore, during interrogatories and pre-trial statuses, beseech the court to have your client Vivian undergo a psychiatric evaluation and take the MMPI herself. If your client feels that I am not stating the truth, she should be willing, as I am, to undergo an evaluation, take the MMPI, and any other diagnostic test to show that what she is saying is valid and truthful.
If I were to have a guarantee that your client would never volunteer at a school again or with children again, then I would take into very serious consideration removing the sites in whole. As of now, I will not remove anything from my websites, though I am willing to add the word 'hearsay' to things that happened prior to my existence/memory. I will not retract any statement made to Clinton Community School District, Jefferson Elementary School and the Iowa Board of Education. I can agree to not making false statement pertaining to my biological parents though, as I have not made any false statements about them.
After I sent this---certified return receipt, I have heard nothing back. I have heard from people in Clinton though that Vivian is no longer at Jefferson School! If that changes, I will take further action.